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| "I'm channeling Jane Austen" pen from Totally Jane Austen |
There are many lists of the greatest opening lines in literature. I made a short one of my own for this exercise: How would AI render these lines?
The original greats
"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife." — Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice
" "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way -- in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only."" — Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities
"Call me Ishmael." — Herman Melville. Moby-Dick
“There was no possibility of taking a walk that day. We had been wandering, indeed, in the leafless shrubbery an hour in the morning; but since dinner (Mrs. Reed, when there was no company, dined early) the cold winter wind had brought with it clouds so sombre, and a rain so penetrating, that further out-door exercise was now out of the question.” – Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
“All this happened, more or less.” – Kurt Vonnegut Slaughterhouse Five
"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen." — George Orwell.1984
Claude's take
First I asked Claude, and this was its response: Here are my reimaginings, each trying to capture the spirit while finding a fresh angle:
1. Pride and Prejudice "Every woman in a poor household knows that a wealthy bachelor nearby is less a blessing than a problem to be solved."
(Flips Austen's irony to center the women's perspective rather than society's assumption.)
2. A Tale of Two Cities "The age was a contradiction — so perfectly balanced between glory and ruin that historians would later argue for centuries about which it actually was."
(Distills Dickens's famous parallelism into a single, drier observation.)
3. Moby-Dick "My name doesn't matter. What matters is that I survived."
(Keeps the casual confession but shifts the weight from identity to fate — hinting at the survival that frames the whole novel.)
4. Jane Eyre "Winter had made prisoners of us all, and I was already more confined than most."
(Condenses Brontë's physical detail into something that immediately signals Jane's deeper captivity — social, emotional, familial.)
5. Slaughterhouse-Five "Most of it is true."
(Vonnegut's genius was compression. This out-Vonneguts Vonnegut.)
6. 1984 "The day was ordinary in every way except the one way that mattered."
(Replaces Orwell's specific wrongness — the clocks striking thirteen — with a creeping, unspecified dread, making the reader lean in rather than jolt.)
I won't comment on each of these, though have to say that I am very much amused by the hubris demonstrated by Claude in claiming it "out-Vonneguts Vonnegut" with its rendition and that what it did to Jane Austen's height of perfection should be considered a crime by anyone who cares about language and rhythm.
Grok opted to modernize the lines
That said, if the goal is to modernize, shorten, sharpen for contemporary readers, heighten impact, or adapt for a different tone/genre (e.g., social media, a parody, a retelling, or a punchier hook), here are some thoughtful revisions with explanations for each:
- Original (Austen): "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."Revised: "Everyone knows a rich single guy is desperate for a wife."
- Why? Strips away the Regency-era formality and irony to make the sarcasm immediate and bite harder in modern English. It keeps the core joke but lands faster. (A very common paraphrase in pop culture.)
- Original (Dickens): "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times..." (the full long antithesis paragraph)Revised: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times—wisdom and foolishness, belief and doubt, light and darkness, hope and despair. We had everything before us, nothing before us. In short, the era was so much like today that its loudest voices insisted it could only be described in extremes."
- Why? Condenses the famous repetitive structure without losing the poetic parallelism or the sly comparison to "the present period." The original's length is part of its grandeur, but a tighter version can feel more urgent today.
- Original (Melville): "Call me Ishmael."Revised: "Call me Ishmael." (Honestly, almost untouchable.)
- Why? It's perfect—three words that are mysterious, direct, and unforgettable. The only "revision" people sometimes joke about is adding context ("Call me Ishmael... before the white whale ruins everything"), but that defeats the point. Leave it alone.
- Original (Brontë): "There was no possibility of taking a walk that day. We had been wandering, indeed, in the leafless shrubbery an hour in the morning; but since dinner... further out-door exercise was now out of the question."Revised: "No chance of a walk today. We'd already trudged through the bare shrubbery that morning, but after dinner the bitter wind brought such dark clouds and driving rain that going outside again was unthinkable."
- Why? Modernizes the language ("trudging" instead of "wandering," "bitter wind" for atmosphere) while preserving the gloomy, confined mood that foreshadows Jane's isolation. Shortens slightly for pace without losing the voice.
- Original (Vonnegut): "All this happened, more or less." Revised: "More or less, all of this actually happened."
- Why? Flips the order slightly for a drier, more skeptical tone that aligns with Vonnegut's wry style. It keeps the casual dismissal of strict truth—perfect for a semi-autobiographical, time-jumping war story—but makes it feel even more offhand.
- Original (Orwell): "It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."Revised: "A bright, cold April day—and the clocks struck thirteen."
- Why? Tightens it for punchier rhythm while keeping the single, chilling detail that signals something is deeply wrong (military time + dystopia). The em dash adds a subtle dramatic pause.
ChatGPT's take
Here are creative rewrites of each opening, keeping the spirit but shifting voice, tone, or era.
1. Pride and Prejudice — Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Original:
“It is a truth universally acknowledged…”
Rewrite:
Everyone knows—or at least everyone says—that a wealthy bachelor cannot possibly be content on his own.
2. A Tale of Two Cities — A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
Original:
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”
Rewrite:
We lived in an age of dazzling promise and staggering ruin, of sharp minds and reckless folly, of fierce devotion and stubborn doubt. Hope bloomed even as despair took root. Everything seemed within reach, and yet nothing felt secure. Some swore we were ascending toward glory; others were certain we were rushing toward catastrophe. In many ways, it was an era disturbingly like our own—so extreme that it refused to be measured in anything but absolutes.
3. Moby-Dick — Moby-Dick by Herman Melville
Original:
“Call me Ishmael.”
Rewrite:
You may know me as Ishmael—at least, that will do for now.
4. Jane Eyre — Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë
Original:
“There was no possibility of taking a walk that day…”
Rewrite:
A walk was quite impossible that afternoon. Though we had roamed the barren shrubs for a time that morning, the sky had since darkened into a heavy gray, and a thin, relentless rain rode in on the winter wind. With such weather pressing at the windows, any thought of venturing out was firmly dismissed.
5. Slaughterhouse-Five — Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut
Original:
“All this happened, more or less.”
Rewrite:
Most of what follows occurred—give or take a few distortions.
6. 1984 — 1984 by George Orwell
Original:
“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.”
Rewrite:
The April air was sharp and sunlit, but something was off: every clock in sight had just chimed thirteen.
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